How Do I Deal With A Stonewaller? How Do I Convince Him That It Is Detrimental To Our Marriage And That He Needs To Stop?
Answer:
Stonewalling occurs when a person is afraid of listening and inept to
respond. It is essentially a defence mechanism. I assume you are trying
to get through to your husband on a individual issue but feel you're not
succeeding.
My suggestion is that you try a different tack. Instead of telling him what's wrong, try asking how he feels, report him you're ready to listen and then give him a short time room to come forward. The main thing NOT to do is try
to break down his wall as he will simply build a higher one. When we consistency
strongly about something, we get very frustrated if the other individual won't acknowledge what we're saying and the importance of the perceived problem. But good communication is the awfully cornerstone of a healthy relationship and I urge you to do what you can to break the stalemate.
Walls are a negative response but there's probably a good use behind your
husband's defences, not necessarily to do with you. Telling him he `needs to
stop' won't work. He have to choose to come out from behind hisfortress and he won't want to if he feels he will get criticism or anger.
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